Indulgence.

Just not me.

2011-06-23T03:23:00.002+08:00

Hey,been busy occupying myself with casual chatting here and there.
kinda failed on r/s wise,but oh well, if that's the case,i'm giving up from there and i've got to move on.
Studying and getting good grades are my top priorities,plus oh well..
earning more money for me to splurge splurge splurge.:)
The reason why i'm blogging today cause finally, i've known where to put the barrier across other guys. Though it was an unhappy ending, but i'm glad still.
Though deep down,i really wish that you could still give me a chance, but i know, i've took advantage of everything. Thus i wish you the best, and still hoping for a tiny hope we'll get back together. Certainly, i've experienced whatever shits i gave you through another person. And i sincerely am very sorry about it. After tmr, or more like, after you've given me the answer( which is a no), i will move on from there. Hope you can move on happily, and i wish you the best,:) With this i end everything. Nights all..

Ultimate hatred.

2011-06-07T23:51:00.002+08:00

I hate you,and you and you and you.
But what am i going to do,i deserved all of these from the start.
I brought it all upon me.
what am i supposed to do?
i'm really going in a direction where no aims and recklessness are rampant.
Just going to let it rest for a while,i need a break.
i really do need one soon.
i need myself back, the old self, whereby no worries worry me, whereby no affairs of the heart can tug at my emotions, whereby everything is just me and my thoughts of the day. I love no one now, not anymore.

Sorry my dearest parents.

2011-05-30T00:08:00.002+08:00

First of all,i've came to know about my mistake an hour ago.
Thanks to kahsin,my babe.She told me about my dad's blog and how heartbreaking it is.
I really want to say i am very sorry daddy,mummy..
I think only for myself, solely for myself.
Ever since the start of polytechnic, or maybe way before that, i was rebellious.
Very in fact, i don't listen to whatever you two always say, and i know only to live for myself. To have changed to becoming selfish, ignorant of your words.
I regretted all of these, and though you don't see me cry, i am really apologetic. I promise to change for the better,i will try my best and give you my word.
Sorry daddy,mummy.

your heartless daughter.

Ain't a good 1 year anni.

2011-04-09T01:49:00.002+08:00

Hey all,felt like blogging so yup.:)
headed out to west coast with esther,talk lots of cock and stuffs.
met charmaine,one of the blogshop owners there,haha.
had a bad day,pretty much involving my loved one,so yep..
not a perfect 1 year anniversary but oh well,what to do with his competition coming up and all.
Kinda disappointed in him after being hit by some unwanted news,yeah..
hope i can really put everything down after this and get on with my life i want.
toodles people.

i regretted.

I had no choice.

2011-03-20T21:49:00.002+08:00

Hey people.
Back once again to blog,seems pretty long since i last touched this space here.
Was pretty upset these few days or so.
Kinda unstable now between me and him.
so yeah,i can prepare to head back to my single life soon i guess.
whenever trouble sparks,it's always me.
From hating to giving in,to learning to giving in and starting to giving in.
Though it's troublesome and tiresome,i learned.
Though i felt inferior compared to other womens out there,
i comforted myself silently.
Whenever there's no one to turn to,i hid behind those walls and cry everything out.
Thereafter,step by step,i've learned how to let go of things easily.
People are superficial in life,so don't blame others.
Don't even blame me.
Tired of these shits.

Those words you've said and those actions you showed.
It was so hurtful,till i can bear it no longer.
i'm numb now.

Just one last dance.

2011-02-02T01:30:00.002+08:00

hi all,pretty tired now,gonna head to smoke then sleep soon.
not feeling happy ,just feeling grumpy that's why i'm here.
my stomach feels weird too,oh well.
hope i can scrape through tmr's test.
gonna bake cake tmr for reunion dinner.
nights all..

it will never occur to you,
why am i not your priority,
why am i not what you want,
what are we suppose to look forward to,
what's gonna run us down again and again,
and we have to keep repeating the cycle
by picking ourselves up non-stop.
tell me,what's more to life.

Tonight's the night.

2011-01-15T03:11:00.002+08:00

Hey everybody.
kinda feeling a little high now,shall post a little.
sorry for all the hurtful words i've said.
i know you've meant good,but i just don't know why i can't bring myself to trust you much anymore.
maybe ever since, we broke up,i've lost confidence in everything.
trust too..oh well,went drinking with my boy and senior,quarreled with my boy,damn sian..
gonna head to bed soon,nights all.

People change,like it or not,accept it.

2011-01-12T23:43:00.002+08:00

hey all,rather ugly day for me today.
quarreled with my boy,so great.Over my outfit and small minor stuffs..
hai,anyway a friend of mine just dampened my mood once more.
i know i should study,i know you meant good,but i know what i'm doing.
as a matter of fact,people do change,accept it and move on with life,what's wrong with doing that?
you guys shouldn't have a biased perception against these people,but oh well..
i can't be so sure of myself either about judging people,but all i can say is that,i've once stand in their shoes and yes,i'm still in their shoes,i understand them,can you?
anyway,still need to thank you for helping me so much in my work and stuffs.
yeah,thanks.
got to head off to blow dry my hair,nights.

It's so hard.

2011-01-09T22:33:00.001+08:00

Hey everyone..
been pretty tired these days.
got back with my boy on the 8th of jan.
hope things do get better now.
got myself a longchamp bag,not really happy..
don't know why.
guess i'm tired mentally with my stuffs about friends and all..
hai,okay then.
off to do my pmp,nights all.

Just finished my project.:S

2011-01-04T00:52:00.001+08:00

hi all,just done with my project.
anyway,been pretty well these days except for not talking to my dad,yeah..
oh well,this Thursday there's a gathering for club monaco!should i go?hmm..
gonna head to bed soon,kinda tired out.
nights all.:)

Those were moments i've never thought about.

2010-12-31T00:14:00.002+08:00

Hey all,having a bad time off session with my friends,sigh..
i wish i can mature fast enough to think what's wrong and what's right again.
Working tmr,afternoon shift.SUCKS TO THE MAX,on new year eve some more.
that's so great..
hope i can have a chance to go clubbing tmr,:S
okay then,heading for a smoke and then sleeping.
having bad headache now.

Well,somethings are really unexpected.

2010-12-29T02:21:00.001+08:00

Hi people.
work today was awesome.:)
played with fahara so much,:P
met joshua and ate dinner at superdog located at somerset.
chatting and all,it was pretty nice.
met timo at bishan and home.
gonna sleep soon,nights!
gonna work early tmr,sucks.

With a slap,thanks.

2010-12-28T01:30:00.002+08:00

Hey all,everything WERE supposed to end happily today but oh well,just got 3 slaps from dad.
that's so great.
went to meet julius and then to town to shop and pooled.:)
then headed to shisha and drinking,julius was a little drunk hahaha.
back home and then it was really fucking chaotic,my quarreled with my parents and all.
oh well..so yep,gonna sleep soon.Gotta work tmr,nights all.

Posted this again..

2010-12-27T01:00:00.001+08:00

Lookin' at your picture from when we first met
You gave me a smile that I could never forget
And nothing I could do
Could protect me from you that night
Wrapped around your finger, always on my mind
The days would blend 'cause we stayed up all night
Yeah, you and I were, everything, everything to me.

Chorus:
I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
Just want you to know

All the doors are closing, I'm trying to move ahead
And deep inside I wish it's me instead
My dreams are empty from the day,
The day you slipped away

Chorus:
And I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go (oh)
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That theres a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say (yeah)
I would do it all again
Just want you to know

Bridge:
That since I lost you
I lost myself (ohhh)
No I can't fake it
There's no one else

Chorus:
So I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me (back to me)
But still I have to say (I have to say)
I would do it all again (do it all again)

I just want you to know (cuz I've been fighting)
That I've been fighting to let you go (ohh)
Some days I make it through (and then there's)
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe (yeah)
That there's a day you'll come back to me (but still)
But still I have to say (I have to say)
I would do it all again
Just want you to know

Hey all,song above dedicated to someone.
worked today,had pretty much fun.:)
then timothy fetched me and we had mac.
was bloody hungry i tell you.
collected my very expensive dress.:S
then home.:)
nights all,out tmr with julius.:D

Hero.

2010-12-26T01:45:00.002+08:00

Whenever i have a thought,i only tell myself to shut it and not pour anything out,painful though it's better.
Late for work again,damn..
but had a tiring yet happy day working.:)
sucks cause it's Christmas and i'm working.
but oh well,some upsetting stuffs crop up and it's kinda settled now,:)
tired now,sleeping soon.
nights everyone.:)

spare me,please..

2010-12-24T02:35:00.002+08:00

Came home and got scolded by my parents..
fuck it seriously.
damn tired of it.
anyway,i'm feeling worse after what you said.
just wanna forget everything about you,why can't i?
tired of just hanging there..really.
i don't wanna run myself down again,no way i will allow it.
went for a concert at bethany church.(not sure how it's being spelled)
but it's pretty enjoyable and really great.
had talks about the performances and everything in relation to Him and it was fun talking to the adults.:)
home around 1 plus and yeah,got yelled at.
damn..
gonna smoke now,nights.

I knew it.

2010-12-23T00:18:00.002+08:00

off today,went out with melvin.
planned to go to a farm at pasir ris,but we got lost.:s so didn't.
haha,headed to ikea then and courts,but we got lost too,was in the car for 2 hour plus.hahaha,but oh well,it was great.
then ate hotdog and ice cream!:)
DAMN GOOD.
then slacked and home.
gonna head down later to smoke,kinda frustrated with stuffs.
saw pictures that dampens me even more.
fuck it,i can never be of that standard.
i need to go for plastic..
sigh,why is life just so fucked up?
nights to all then.

if i can predict everything,i can never get hurt at all.
but that's life and life just sucks.

Working.:s

2010-12-20T02:14:00.002+08:00

hey,been working like hell these past few days.:S
anyway,made new friends aka colleagues.:D
they're so nice!hahaha.
i really wish to continue even after my school has started.
hmm,trying to think of a way out.
anyway, i feel really bad after telling you those stuffs,sorry..
fulfilling day,pretty nice talking to my ex about his life.(:
all things are going quite well for me,hope it really stays that way.:)
i can't wait to club!!!!!!!!!!:D:D:D:D
gonna head out tmr with julius i think,hope it'll be fun!:)
tata,nights people.

i thought you wouldn't miss me.
deep down,i still do miss you.

Tron legacy sucks.:S

2010-12-17T00:37:00.002+08:00

Headed to school at 8 am.:S
it was freaking cold in the room okay.:S
damn,gonna get jeans soon~~~~
anyway,headed to pool at amk after school,timo came to find me.:D
then played pool with hibri,his friend,katie,jia wen and kahsin with her bf.:)
ate pepper lunch!
then went town to walk around,was very tired.:S
then saw my primary school friend,qing jie!hahahaha!
so coincidental.:)
went home then,bathe and changed and out with my family to thomson road,the yureka teppanyaki restaurant there!
the food was really great and yep,atmosphere was good.:)
watched tron legacy after that and it's super boring,like seriously.
don't watch it!:S
back home,cut cake and took pictures.:)
gonna sleep soon,chatting with timo now.:)))))
nights all~

Karma's doing me in.AGAIN.

2010-12-15T22:42:00.002+08:00

Work from 10 am to 7.30pm,bloody tired.
Smiled the whole day and my mood just turns bad,i don't know why.
Sorry to all who i've offended or what.
pretty tired to not care anymore,and i can see you're doing pretty fine,i'm glad.
gonna head to chiong for gd now,i might fail and i only have myself to blame,so yeah..just got to live with it.
everything's getting fucked up right now,so yep..i deserve it.
thanks god.
early nights to all.(:

Everywhere i go,will anyone be there?

2010-12-15T01:35:00.002+08:00

Hi my readers.:)
hmm,currently i have a very sick friend beside me.
she's lying down and having a fever of 38.9 i think.:S
hope she recovers fast.
Gonna mug,now!like seriously.:s
working tmr and maybe on thurs or friday,not sure yet.:S
tmr's work at 10 am.:( till 7.30 pm,gonna mug like hell soon.
die die,i am freaking out.:S
okay then,lesser talk,more action!
byeee!(:

Pretty moving on well.:)

2010-12-14T00:09:00.002+08:00

hey all!(:
today just met timo for lunch at somerset 313.:)
then headed to meet esther to bring her for her interview at juicy couture.
back to amk to study!:S
was trying real hard and really,i did managed to squeeze in a little into my tiny brain.:P hehe,anyway pooled for a while and then home.(:
unexpected things happened and i'm pretty happy.:D
hope i just won't rush things now,anyway off to study now!
working tmr!:( meeting adi for studying in the morning and then off to work,good luck to me for my first day!
tata people!!!!(:

Meet ups and ups and ups.:)

2010-12-12T03:08:00.002+08:00

hello people.
hmm,slept till quite late today.:S
woke up around 3?:P
headed to town with jia wen and angie and they went for juicy couture interview.
after that met timothy for movie,it was really a nice movie.
title: hello stranger.
it's really funny and touching.:)
had a great time chatting with him and homed now.(:
gonna chiong my gd soon,and to you,bon voyage and take care.
goodnight all.(:

somethings can never be mended,
i regretted everything since it started.

Much more messed up.

2010-12-11T00:21:00.002+08:00

Gotten work at club monaco which is located at taka.:)
starting next tue,damn fast.:s
hmm,went to meet bel and xiner just now!
it's been bloody long since we seen each other,miss them so.:D
chatted,pool and made friends with xiner's friend.
pretty tired after that,so no mood,not sure why.
Home early today!
watch step up 3 with family just now,pretty awesome show.
hahaha,okay then,off now!got to clear my head and not think of rubbish.(:

The night was so young.

2010-12-09T00:58:00.002+08:00

back.(:
getting on pretty well i guess,though it still hurts a little.
played pool with the rest and it was freaking dusty,like fuck..seriously.
met esther after that at tpy and sat down to chat,while i smoke.:D
must control,telling myself now.:(
anyway,just chose my modules online,heading to bed now.
nights people.(:

people come and people go,no one is seriously sincere to stay there forever.
so fuck it and live with it.
anyway,a soft message to you,happy 9th month.

Tests,and tests.Fuck it..

2010-12-06T23:46:00.002+08:00

Hey all,back with my lappy.:)
kinda messed up with life but oh well,what to do?
get on with it.
having a slight headache now,oh and just puke..great.
my first and only meal and there it goes,down the drain.
hmm,anyway trying to get on with my life soon,with all the fucking tests coming up!:(
having math quiz tmr and i'm gonna die man.
freaking out now,okay then.Off i go to search for my math paper.:S
toodles!

Out and gone.

2010-12-04T01:02:00.003+08:00

Hi all,back to post.
kinda sad everything's gone from me now.
my boy,broke up with me today.
thanks for everything,i will appreciate what've you done for me.
i will always remember,and thanks dwayne for accompanying me just now.
guess it's time to move on.
hope everything will go well for me,<3.

another failed one,
but,
it'll always be in my heart.
forever.

Lappy's breaking down again.:(

2010-11-29T23:35:00.001+08:00

hey all.
my lappy's screen damn irritating now.
half screen keep blinking.
sigh,sorry i dropped you my dear laptop.
been not in a good mood these days.
sorry if i've been doing wrong stuffs.
anyway,i'm heading to bed now.
nights all.

why?

2010-11-26T00:26:00.002+08:00

why won't you feel the same way as i do?
i'm yearning badly for you and you're not.
am i really not that of utmost importance to you?
i'm getting sleepy now..
trying to concentrate on jap,for tmr's test.
i'm down with flu and i just bruised myself badly in school today,my bone hurts.
played pool after school with jackie,hibri,adriel and jiawen.
katie came along after that,saw esther too.
it's been long since we catch up.
oh well..
things changed.
nights then,to you too.

Fuck everything seriously.

2010-11-24T22:11:00.002+08:00

天可以饶我吗?
我求求你.
我已经很累.
Fucked up day.
went down to get a beer to ease myself,but it's not enough..
i'm feeling pain all over.
fuck it.
why must you treat me like that?
why must everyone treat me this way?
i'm better off dead.
Really.

Burning sensation,but for being pretty,i don't mind.

2010-11-23T23:03:00.002+08:00

Hi people.
sorry,been pretty lazy to update recently.:S
anyway,been rather into makeup stuffs now.:P sheesh.
hehe,not meeting my boy for many days.:(
missing him much.
sigh,thought back about what zs said.
am i really that strong?
and thinking about what she said..about guys at that age not settling down soon.
i feel so fucked up thinking back.
sian,smoked a little just now.and drank a drop of cordon bleu,it's pretty nice.(:
anyway,got to head off to cool my eye down.
so bloody hot!:S
i put slimming cream on my fatty area.
and it's burning.:(
i accidentally put onto my eye,then now burning,ahhhh!:(
off now,nights all.=)

Slashings here and there.

2010-11-20T00:46:00.001+08:00

Hi all,recently..
there's been many slashings here and there.:s
hai,pretty worried for my boy.:S:S:S
hope he doesn't meet anyone crazy enough to slash him.
Seriously,it's getting on my nerves,and now,the recent slashing it's nearer to me.
damn,freaking out badly.
hope my boy listens to me and go home early.
i love you,pretty tired.
Heading to bed,nights all.

Harry potter's amazing.

2010-11-18T22:46:00.002+08:00

harry potter and the deathly hallows is really a good show.:)
applause*
haha,anyway,after the show on wed,went to eat subway.
the meat galore,mmmm..mmmm!it's heavenly.:D
can't blog for long,have to head to do up jap and revise c#.
shitty,anyway..i'm loving my boy every day!:D
i <3 you!

I'm fucking high without alcohol today.:P

2010-11-15T23:32:00.002+08:00

Hello people.
Just had some cock up with my internet again.:S
done now,and my dad can see my statuses updates and everything.FML,msn is fucking useless.
Deleted already and still can see,wth.
anyway,went to buy KOI at amk and sat swing,till i almost vomitted.:s
then home.
now trying to figure out my dad's email.:S

What do i want now?i don't know anymore.

2010-11-14T23:20:00.002+08:00

Hope you really can feel and understand what i've stated in the letter.
thanks baby boy for giving in time and time again.
i know by saying sorry,and trying to prove anything is useless now.
i'm pretty tired too,the next time it happens,if it does happens after all these shits,i'm prepared to face everything.
call me a loser,for drinking to ease my pain,to forget everything temporarily.
cause i just want everything,every shit to end and not repeat it OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
so just fml,though i really want you by my side,but if you're not happy with me,then i will let you go.
i love you,my boy.
thought that you'll be with me throughout my next few years,guess that's not so possible anymore.
sorry for everything once again.

Thanks a lot alfred zhang.(:

2010-11-10T23:15:00.001+08:00

Hey all!
pretty worried in the morning cause of my boy.
but all things are good now.(:
i hope this will last,really..
sorry for all the hurt baby boy,sorry.
i love you!:)
muah!okay then,heading to do adobe now,got to rush,nights!

When there's no love,there's no life for me.

2010-11-09T22:01:00.002+08:00

I'm missing you badly..are you?
don't keep saying don't know.
it breaks my heart when you don't know the reason or maybe you just don't wanna say the reason out.
everyday is a chore to wake up,a chore to face the world,a chore to control my tears in class,a chore to always run to the toilet to cry silently.
it's really tiring..
my friends,comforted me,thanks jackie and cole.
but still,it doesn't last long.
every night i dream of you,i'm serious..
why must things turn out like that?
i don't wanna go through the "thing" alone.
but i have no other choice right?
seriously..why can't things revert back to usual?
the past when everyone is happy,as i thought it was for you.
only till now,you told me everything you weren't happy about then i know.
i'm sorry you had to bear with me for 8th months.
let me give in now,it's my turn.
please?
had dinner with my parents,happy birthday daddy.(:
sorry i didn't really care about my family these few months.
really sorry,and i'm sorry i couldn't eat my dinner properly even though it's so good..cause these few days,i'm having a tough time getting myself to eat.
i'm full,full of sadness that really dampens my mood to grab anything to bite.
i'm getting anorexic i guess,eating and feeling like puking thereafter.
fml.
nights everyone,and i love you my boy.

Losing all hope now.

2010-11-08T22:04:00.001+08:00

Hey people.
went on a bike ride on farhan's bike to east coast.
was pretty thrilled by the ride,it was definitely the best way to let my troubles out.
i screamed till no end,it was really good.
chatted and he ate carls junior then home.
pretty good night i guess,hope i can have more nights of these to keep me from thinking about my problems.
i'm just losing hopes in maintaining this relationship already.
sorry,i gave my best and yet it's still not working.
i really hope you don't give up on me at such a time,if you know what i mean.
it's a really bad time,hope you really can pull through this with me.
just forced down 5 nuggets in school ,not eating well,not feeling happy,not concentrating in class.
oh well,this is indeed tiring.
and i always have to turn to alcohol to sleep and ease my pain,and always blame myself in the morning,why do i always have to wake up?
to wake up to face reality,i don't want this anymore.
wo ye hen lei le.

Cause of you.Get it?

2010-11-07T23:00:00.002+08:00

It's not easy to meet someone and start all over again.
i don't want to.
my boy,can't you understand?i'm changing for you.
not only for you,for everyone.
get it?
i love you and only you.
why can't you stand in my shoes too?
i want to change for YOU.
but it seems that,it won't be long till i'm gone..
i hope i can really last.
cause every single time i drink,it's cause i'm sad and unhappy.
my cuzzie too,not only you..i take things too harshly.
just let me end it..i'm seriously tired out.
the next time i drink,i won't stop cause i want to escape from reality..
i don't wanna face it anymore,without you,everything's meaningless.
get it?
i love you,i do,really..
just that,maybe it's time.

went to the extent of begging,how great.

2010-11-06T23:10:00.002+08:00

hey people.
was planning to go drink with angie just now,then it rained!:(
so cancelled,anyway,broke too.
broke till i can't even celebrate with my cousin her birthday.how tragic and sad..
i feel so fucked up for letting her down,hai..
sorry cuzzie,hope you see this,i'm apologizing..
real sorry for being broke at such a wrong time,sorry.
anyway,had a great time singing karaoke with my boy at his house.:)))
had fun mocking his voice,heee,:P
anyway,angie showed me a disgusting video just now.:S
in all,i shall round it up,greeted my relatives just now at my house.
then gonna do my jap work soon,and revising c# if i can.
heading off now,tata!

i've begged you already,what more you want?
already said that i'll try my best not to let it happen again,
nvm then..

Wonderful day.:)

2010-11-06T00:25:00.002+08:00

Had a great day with my boy,(:
he's so nice to accompany me to play pool when i'm like super lousy.:S
hahaha,thanks baby boy!:D
really happy eh!=)
home already,then i think a lot.:S
think till i'm too distracted,when bathing,i forgot to put shampoo first then in the end, put conditioner without putting shampoo.:S
damn,so many upcoming problems to think about.
wish me luck people!
i love you my boy!our 8th month coming.;)

Deepavali.:)

2010-11-04T23:26:00.002+08:00

Holiday tmr!!!!
but but,like a lot of work to do.:S
Japanese homework,mock exams coming up,die!!!!
anyway,had a great scary time watching movie with my boy today.:s haha,but fun ah!
he's playing pool now,good luck baby boy,:):)
having blisters at the wrong place,damn pain.
yearning for koi now,i'm so gonna buy tmr morning!:D
okay,i chatting with my cuzzie now,about her birthday.(:
tata all!

wishing everything to be the same as before.

2010-11-03T23:05:00.002+08:00

I wish upon a star.
hoping that everything can be like before or better.
i just want everyday to be like today.

Going mad.

2010-11-02T23:50:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna go crazy real soon.
crazy with all my life's antics.
fuck em all.
i'm drinking now,to calm myself.
to hell with all my troubles.
last of all,to hell with me.

cold night.

2010-11-01T22:23:00.002+08:00

hey people.
Firstly,the starhub people damn mother fuckers.
for consecutively 3 months,my bill has been over 50.
this month,i specially control and yet,still overcharged.
fucking hell..
not only that,my lappy fix like never fix.
now my usb port is slanted and the display settings can just black out.
Oh great!damn them..
anyway,back to my life..
getting bumpy now.
hope i can really pull through.
of course,with my boy support.
and i hope you will leave me alone..
sorry for bringing you so much hurt..
i love you alfred zhang.

I'm holding on tightly,are you?

2010-11-01T01:25:00.002+08:00

Just wanna quit being me,and be someone else for the day.
spare me from the pain in life.
i need as much liquor to ease it.
to drown myself in my dreamy world so i won't feel that much hurt whenever it starts acting up again.
i hate myself for life..
i'm ain't kidding.
come on?throw me some more obstacles till i can no longer hold on anymore.
slowly slipping away.
guess it's nearing it soon.

Everything's messed up.

2010-10-30T23:28:00.002+08:00

hi people.
haven't been blogging regularly cause of many matters at hand.
so i'm here to just escape for a moment.
it's tiring to face reality..really.
i'm breaking down.
as always..
life's rear its ugly head one after another,it's really ongoing and never stopping.
pretty tired of life already..
wonder how long can i hold on more.
things are definitely going against me now with my dad knowing about my boy and i and me not loving to come home cause i hate my home.
it's not good with them being quite weak now,in terms of health condition.
just broke down just now.
seeing how bad my mom wants me to stay at home and really going berserk.
i'm sorry mom and dad,really.
i just don't like my home.
sorry..

Dreading saturday.

2010-10-28T23:25:00.001+08:00

hi all,i'm in a big mess now.
trying to clear it up,my life's fucked up.
damn,nights then.

Angie's house,:)

2010-10-26T21:39:00.002+08:00

hi everyone.
Went to angie's house for a while and explore her make up thingy.
her wardrobe damn neat okay.
and we explored her clothes too.:D
now currently arguing with my mom over putting make up.
argh,i hate my parents.
They're so freaking narrow minded,traditional minded.
asshole.
okay,heading off soon.
nights people.

Just wanna sleep forever and never wake up.

2010-10-24T23:10:00.002+08:00

Hey,
things are quite bad now between me and my boy.
pretty bad..
hope everything can just be settled once and for all.
i just wanna pull through this with him and get over it.
Live happily forever,but it seems hard..
my only wish is that,is it so difficult?
it's just a simple wish that's all.
caught a flu now,sneezing non stop now.
anyway,wish me luck in my problems now.

how i hate being myself.

i never live up to my promises.

2010-10-24T00:22:00.002+08:00

hi all..
quarreled with my boy just now..
kinda taken aback and really regretting my actions.
like,it's so hard to control my emotions and the words i say.
damn it,i should really hold my tongue.
plus,it's time to really wake up to change.
to face reality..
if you really want to leave me,i won't stop you.
if that's what you want..i will respect it.
but before all this,i need to prove to you first.
sorry doesn't help anymore..actions says the best for itself.
i'm immature,yep..but i'm trying my best to keep this going on.
don't you want this badly?
i know myself,that i want it real badly.
i apologized i couldn't bring you the happiness you wanted,the freedom you wanted.
maybe everything was predestined.
i can't last long with anyone and i'm saying anyone in this world.
i'm truly disappointed with myself that's why i chose to have that decision.
not everything is your fault,don't feel guilty when that happens.
family,friends,you,everything plays a part in this decision of mine.
i'm a coward not to face up to my problems,rather run from it..
sadly,i can't achieve anything great in this lifetime of mine.
thus,i won't regret my decision.
i love you alfred zhang,you know i do.
sorry for everything..

i'm back.(:

2010-10-23T01:34:00.001+08:00

hey all!
my lappy's back now!(:
anyway,life's pretty bad.:(
for now,hope it will change soon.
nights all!

FUCKED UP FAMILY.

2010-10-19T22:22:00.002+08:00

All i can say and proclaim is that i've never ever love stepping into my house since the time things started to change.
Don't you get it?my family is fucked up.REAL FUCKED UP,like seriously..
hell,gonna sleep soon.Tired of talking back to my parents.
Rather not waste my breath,nights.

My lappy ain't gonna come till next week .

2010-10-14T21:55:00.002+08:00

hi all,sorry for not being able to post these days.
wanna blame,blame it on my lappy.
anyway,pretty busy working this whole week and problems and problems,blah blah..
met joshua,my primary school friend!it's been so so long..oh my.
anyway,luckily he did recognised me.
headed to illuma,had some talks and introduction here and there for the mlm training.
to think of it,it's kinda fun.:)
hope i can really make the best out of it and really earn loads of money.
i need it for something very important.:S
please,let me succeed in premier pure!
okay then,heading off to listen to songs,young night out there,wonder if i should head down a buy a can of beer to drink.
hmm,should i?

If you only knew what i'm going through.

2010-10-09T01:38:00.003+08:00

Hey people.
I'm on again,still waiting for my lappy to be done.:(
Pretty bored,a lonely night for me today.
Hmm,thinking through stuffs now..
pretty sad and scarred for life by previous experiences.
i can feel myself getting weaker,be it emotionally or physically.
not sure why either,it seems i've been handling things the wrong way,everything, every move i make is wrong..Know how terrible that feeling is?
it sucks pretty much..
anyway,everything seems to be average for now,nothing special,nothing new.
isn't that life?it's supposed to be average most of the time,and with more obstacles coming in again and again to dampen our spirits and we have to go back to picking up ourselves again.Tiring ain't it?
happy times don't last long either,that is guaranteed.
Heaven is seriously putting me through,no,everyone a hard time whenever there's a chance.
Cruel isn't it?
But still we have to accept the fact and move on,the world won't stop for us,not even me.
I'm just learning,and stumbling along..but at least,i'm moving along..

Tiresome.

2010-10-05T21:52:00.002+08:00

Hi all.
lappy's still down so i can't blog much these days.
anyway,my life's pretty down nowadays.
but oh well..
i'm learning much.
from everything.
sorry and thanks for guiding me all along.

lappy's down.:(

2010-10-01T17:34:00.003+08:00

hey all.
lappy's down for the moment.
have to head down to jurong anytime soon.
recently,been working here and there.
last night was a trauma for me.
it'll never be forgettable.
i've learned it the hard way now,it's bad enough,good enough for me to repent on my mistakes and learn from it.
not going to make the same mistakes again.
sorry dearie.
results pretty average,everything's back to normal,waiting for that to come still.damn..
okay then,off now.=)
stay happy people.

Everything's fucking up.

2010-09-28T00:38:00.002+08:00

Hi there.
i hate my fucking life.
hate my parents,my condition now,my results,myself,the pain i've brought,my laptop,everything.
Lappy broke down,made my boy unhappy,yet again,fought pretty badly.
sorry..
scarred for life,results for exams out tommorow at 8 am.
i know i'm gonna do badly.So fuck it!
that's not here yet,fucking late..
went for a walk with boy,jb,weilin and kaelen at hort park.
walked to henderson wave i think,then to many parks etc.
perspired but the night was cooling.
pretty sight i will miss and definitely going back there again.
got scolded by parents for coming home late,in a not nice way,like really not nice.
FUCK IT.
doubt my boy about some incident on fb,fuck myself.
just,everything's messed up i know.
i'm breaking down..

come on,please?

2010-09-25T00:00:00.000+08:00

please help me whoever's out there?
god,heaven,guanyin ma?anyone!
to ease my worrying.
please,i beg you?

You found me.

2010-09-23T23:43:00.002+08:00

Hi people.
Been worrying about lots of stuffs lately.
been rather stressed up and out.
:S anyway,i'm still praying..please buddha or guanyin?
can you help to just ease my mind?
i need help.Seriously..
anyway,went to ion for a wasted trip today.
wasn't suppose to work but oh well,nvm.
then met jia wen and headed to eat at cineleisure.
Angie came along after that and then we walked around.
jia wen bought a set of makeup brushes.:D
i didn't buy anything,no mood.:(
then went back to bishan to sign some stuffs for work on sat and sun again!
the goldheart people love us and only us.
they wanted us to come back and help give flyers this weekend.:)
cool,i'm pretty glad and happy.
anyway,waited at bishan station for angie to decide for kinda long..:S
till my legs hurt then went to take 88 to meet my boy at toa payoh library.
In the end when he wanted to borrow a book,i can't help to borrow for him cause previously i've lost my ic so yeah..:S need to make a new account.
he owe the library 30 bucks ++ so yeah,can't use his card too.:S
sorry baby.:(
headed back to his house for dinner and home.
pretty sad we didn't go out to carry lanterns.:((((
both of us was pretty shagged i guess.
anyway,going for work at ion tommorow,wish me luck!

Mooncake festival.

2010-09-22T23:17:00.002+08:00

hello all.
went to work at illuma there with jia wen.
was doing a surveyor job.
calling up people,pretty relaxing.:)
met my boy after,wanted to carry lantern one!:( but he's tired so yeah..
anyway,i'm kinda worried about something..
please,hope my prayers come true.Damn..
watched a new hk drama on tv with family.:)
opened up a pomelo!And it's sour!:S
hahaha,anyway,my boy's sleeping now..
got to head to bed soon too.
nights all.(:
working at ion tmr,hope it won't be tough.

Don't ever give me up..

2010-09-21T22:38:00.002+08:00

sorry baby boy.
i know it's tough for us,but don't ever leave me.
hope you can stay by my side forever,especially now when the time is critical.
i'm really sorry for being stubborn and not listening to you.
sorry.
headed to dsc clinic to do checkups,etc.
then went to eat laksa,and headed to city plaza.
went bugis after that with jia wen.
i'm thankful she's here for me,if not i won't know how to face my problems alone.
met my boy after that,watched a little of the expandables with him and slept a while.
my boy was tired..after the huge fight.
gonna work with jia wen tmr,near bugis and then thurs at ion for waitressing.
off to bed soon,nights.
i am sincerely sorry.
i love you.

It's me ain't it?

2010-09-19T23:52:00.002+08:00

worked at causeway today again.
left at 6 to meet my boy to have dinner.
dinner was good,and after that,things started to change.
guess,i have to start changing myself..
it's dampening,to hear my flaws from someone i love so much.
it hurts real badly.
and all i know how to do is to cry and irritate him further..
fucking useless.
can i randomly disappear?can i?
i need to be gone from this world..
i hate everything about me,every single thing.
tired,i'm heading to bed soon,gonna accompany my mom to hospital tmr.
nights all..

i will never let you go.

Those words are still ringing and stinging.

2010-09-19T01:00:00.002+08:00

hey!
work today at causeway point.
damn tiring.:S
stand whole day,me and jia wen try to take chances to slack.:P
i saw a sling and backpack that i like!
but the backpack was sold out.:(
and there's only two more slingbag left.:(:(:(
boohoo!
should i get it tmr?
hmmm,still pondering.
anyway,this morning kept chiong-ing by giving out 2 flyers at one go.
oppps!hahaha,but oh well,it's fun.
met my obs friend,benedict and a chikopek touched my hand.SICKO!
and a few kept staring at me,wth,till jia wen also tell me.
scary people at woodlands.:S
met my boy,had to climb over his metal gate to get in.
idiotic..he can't wake up again,cause his phone is spoiled.
i was so desperate that i took a mango and threw it at his window.:S
hahaha,like romeo and juliet,instead i was romeo throwing mangoes instead.
then when i reach the gate,it was locked!oh great,after overcoming one locked gate,comes another one,this one i can't get in.:S
so just spammed call.DAMN HIM!
anyway,wanted to meet his friend and eat xo mee fen,i'm longing for it!:D
but then I've got to leave already,so yeah.some other time..
back home,dad and brother not home yet,they were at my uncle's house having mooncake session.
anyway,heard that my mom had to lie in hospital while they pump the medicine into her blood.I'm sorry i can't be there mom..
if i breach the contract means i have to pay 300 bucks.Breaching the contract by not going for work,i'm sorry mom.
okay then,nights all.
gonna wake my mom at 1.30 am to eat her medicine.

life's not treating me well now.
and it's gonna be sucky every single time.

partially traumatized.

2010-09-17T21:15:00.002+08:00

hey all..
had a quarrel with my boy.
he wanted to take a break,which frightens me..seriously.
i didn't want it of course,looking back i'm really desperate.
hate myself and my fucking attitude.
my life,is beginning to take its toll on me.
thought everything we discussed was alright already and yet he brought it up again,and even worse,to add on,to meet lesser..
somebody,out there,help me?
struggling to keep myself afloat but every time i seem to drown myself.
went to the polyclinic to check up too,bad news.
got to go to some deserted specialist centre for further prescription.
what have i got myself into?
tell me..i'm at a lost.

Banquet.:)

2010-09-17T01:40:00.002+08:00

hello!
pretty worn out.:S
back home around 12 plus,was waitressing at park royal hotel.
saw celebrities!
the lee ming lun and his wife,not sure how to spell his name.and the li teng with the hong li something.FORGOT!:S
but but,i recognise their faces.:D
anyway,made new Philippino friends!
some were flirts,or you can say most of them.:S
anyhow one,but oh well i just laugh it off.
(: my toes rather red now,and my arms hurts a lot.:S
anyway,the manager there,like what one of my friend there said,very chikopek.
indeed!he touched my both shoulders,wth!
but can't do anything.:s
had fun,real fun doing this job cause i get to see the pretty bride and handsome groom.
how i wish mine will be that way too.
it's really perfect and sweet for the guy to sing to the girl on stage.awww,:))))
okay then,got to go sleep soon.
pretty tired from all the standing and serving.
gonna meet my boy tomorrow in the afternoon to see a doctor.
nights all.
<3 you!

Are we humans?

2010-09-15T22:25:00.002+08:00

once again,i'm back.
today's happening,hmm...
went out to collect and clarify some documents with recruit express.
gonna work this sat and sun from 11-3 then 1 hour break,and continue from 4-7.
giving out flyers!woohoo!:D
working tmr too for a banquet!:D hahaha,can't wait.
anyway,met my boy just now,lugged my heavy bag with a lappy inside.
bought two shoes!black and another black one with printings.(:
been so hungry these few days that i've kept spending on food.
Shitty man.
okay then,off i go now.
toodles people!

Who can i truly call a best friend?
though we declare everything's cleared up,can't you see that we've drifted so much?i feel so,i don't know what to say.Extra in your life?
i don't know,i don't wish to bother.

Great day.=)

2010-09-14T21:53:00.002+08:00

Woke up late,was practically enjoying the rain.:D
Anyway,didn't dare to ask my mom for money.:S
she's kinda sick still.
hai,headed to my boy's house after searching for jobs online.
then he made my day!:D
i'm so excited to see him,wonder why.
maybe because my mom's in this condition,i need someone to care for me.:(
headed home earlier,didn't want to make my mom worry.
then i'm gonna continue searching for jobs!:S
wish me luck.

one in a million

2010-09-14T00:03:00.002+08:00

Mom,i'm sorry i couldn't be home to take care of you.
forgive me,no one alerted me,instead i was enjoying myself without realizing you're not well.Sorry,i am really sorry.
anyway,was happy pretty much fun with my bestie today.Esther,(:
went to uss to play the rides,damn i sat first row for the mummy.Shout till all the air go into my mouth,talked until no voice.:S
watched 4d shrek and it's really good.:)
went out around 7 plus to the beach then slacked around.
saw many many stars,it was really a beautiful night with the sea in view and the crescent so bright.
everything was perfect,talked with my bestie,everything went well.
then took the mrt home,an accident happened cause a boy fell onto the escalator and his nose bled.:S he was crying pretty loudly and the escalator was stopped.
poor boy,then home around 10 plus.
was bombed with a bad news about my mom nearly fainting in the office today.
Damn,she had ear blockage leading to imbalance therefore,she vomited.
wth,i hate god for setting up such 'SURPRISES' like what Esther told me.
it sucks,really.
sorry mom,anyway,goodnight all..
hope my mom gets better fast and soon.
i love you mom.<3

Single eyelids.:(

2010-09-11T23:40:00.002+08:00

Hi people.
was just looking through my past photos of me.
from my secondary 1 times till now.
i've not changed much,i guess.
sadly,i've single eyelids,huge eyebags and not really that slim.
How i wish i can be really slim and slender,with gorgeous double eyelids and really huge eyes,with perfect eyesight and straighter teeth.:(
i've been pestering them for don't know how many umpteen ages and yet they insist that my teeth are straight!yes,it's straight,but not totally.
there's one little tooth at the front that is slanting inwards and it's not really helping my image as i love to smile a lot with teeth.DAMN!
and for my single eyelids,my dream is to go for surgery and get it done.
How i wish my parents will sponsor me.:(:(
and i wanna have long and pretty long lashes but i have short ones instead.
i need to grow it longer and naturally.:S boohoo!
for being slim,i'm resolved to start my jogging session thrice per week soon.
Tommorow morning i'll be jogging,wish me motivation and luck!oh wait,my park is under renovation,damn it!!!!hmmm,think i'll head to my boy's house to jog.
anyway,today went to my boy's house and watched anime there while he sleeps.
he's having bad insomnia these two days.
his relative came over in the evening that's why we can't go out.:/
helped out a little in managing the bowls and chopsticks,etc.
then one by one,my boy's relatives came.
woah,he don't even know who is who.
how great is that!hahaha,and i was just calling auntie and uncles here and there.
anyway,had a great dinner,my boy's daddy cooked almost all of the dishes.
was busy munching on sotong balls while the adults ate.
my boy's mom was really happy today,hahaha.they were even singing karaoke when i left while some were playing mahjong.
Lively people!:D
okay then,off to watch my new japanese anime,tata!

It doesn't matter..

2010-09-10T22:24:00.002+08:00

i will definitely hold on tightly onto this relationship..
though it sucks big time whenever we fought,it makes me wanna treasure all those lovely moments even more.
i've not learned to put my ego down,my boy said..and i'm really sorry for that.
soon,i will prove to you that i can throw it out of the window.
sorry for making you mad today..and i've enjoyed my time walking in orchard with you.
though there were sucky moments when i can't stop crying like a baby,and i hate myself.
people kept staring at me.:S
anyway,just bought a shirt today,then my boy bought a whole load of stuffs!
like a black-gold watch,a shirt,a checkered shirt and a bag.Luckily we never bought any of my stuffs.
Wanted to buy a shoe.:( i'm in need of shoes!
kinda tired i guess,like no mood to shop,weird..hmm.
headed from ion,to taka and then somerset.
went to taka to see a coach wallet and my boy almost,nearly gotten one.hahah!
but they sell pretty nice guys's wallets.
hmm,next month i promise to share with him and get him a coach wallet.:D
the way he sa jiao to his mom damn cute!hahahaha!i like i like.:P
oh ya,saw guixiang along the way to mrt.
now my boy go eat frog leg porridge with kaelen,aww..only two of them.sad sad!:P:P
and frog leg porridge sucks!:S yucky..
okay then,off now to watch my hk drama!
nights all!

SAKAE SUSHI,full to the brim.:))))))

2010-09-09T22:55:00.002+08:00

Woke up in the morning by my daddy.:S
fan wo cause of giving me too much money.
anyway,headed to bishan to meet katie,jia wen and angie.
was pretty late cause i woke up late.:s
damn..
changed our minds and went to town instead to hunt for sakae sushi outlets.
from somerset,we took the long long escalator again!!!!
hahahaha!now with katie!FUN FUN FUN!:D
went to cineleisure after that to find the sakae sushi outlet cause orchard central outlet was closed,weird.
then saw farhan!hahaha,disturbed him.hehe,then he wanted to give us credit card to eat suki sushi.
ANYHOW ONE HE.
everyone we asked mistook suki sushi for sakae sushi,as we are about to give up hope,we went to scape to find.FINALLY!hahahah,damn happy.
sat down and ordered drinks then the guy serving us was a little irritated with us cause we kept troubling him.:s
but after eating and laughing like mad,taking pictures etc,then when we left,he asked for angie's number!hahhaha,turns out he wanted katie's number.Thought he was mad at us,oh well.
met my boy after that and headed to eat at the coffeeshop nearby.
woah,the xo meefen was really good!
nice nice!
wanna eat it now.:D
homed,and having a pretty bad headache now.:(
gonna rest early today i think.
nights people!

All by myself.

2010-09-08T22:53:00.002+08:00

When I was young
I never needed anyone
And making love was just for fun
Those days are gone
Livin' alone
I think of all the friends I've known
When I dial the telephone
Nobody's home

All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore

Hard to be sure
Sometimes I feel so insecure
And loves so distant and obscure
Remains the cure

All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
All by myself
Don't wanna live
All by myself
Anymore

When I was young
I never needed anyone
Making love was just for fun
Those days are gone

All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
All by myself
Don't wanna live
Oh
Don't wanna live
By myself, by myself
Anymore
By myself
Anymore
Oh
All by myself
Don't wanna live
I never, never, never
Needed anyone.

Today is the last day of my exams.
Css,was killer.
woke up early to go school to memorise.
damn tired,having eye bags now.
cried badly..
my 6th month was ruined.
it sucks badly..and i hate it,hate myself for it.
had a simple dinner at home,the tom yum soup was really great.
everything was smooth,till that had to happen.
i feel so useless and worthless.
my mom called me and yelled at me,making me feel more terrible.
just feel so tempted to end my life just now,it was really really tempting..
i went out of his house and came back to talked to him.
how sad my 6th month went.
and to think it was supposed to be my first best-est one.
my life is pretty messed up,everything.
every time i stay out late with you,it's because i want to spend more time with you.
i know i don't have the privilege to stay out long and late.
every time i get scolded,you know i will be in a bad mood and thus affect you.
i just don't know what to with my life anymore..
it's really useless staying in this world just to suffer.
i've no purpose here anyway,even if i just die now,everyone will just grieve for a period of time,after that,they'll be happily moving on.
that's life.
and i know,so what should i do now?

i'm torn inside out.
it's hurting badly and i bet,this is the worse pain it can bring to anyone.
i need pills to ease this torturous pain.

Back at one.Just for you my boy,(6th month)Love you,;)

2010-09-07T23:47:00.002+08:00

Back at one-shayne ward.
This song is for you baby boy.<3
hope you'll continue walking down this road together with me and not falter back at any moment.I truly love you and i always do,thanks for enduring these 6 tough months together with me.I love you alfred zhang jun ming.=)

It’s undeniable that we should be together
It’s unbelievable, how I used to say that I’d fall never
The basis is need to know
If you just don’t know how I feel
Then let me show you that now I’m for real
If all the things in time, time will reveal
Yeah

1 - one, you’re like a dream come true
Two, just wanna be with you
Three, boy it’s plain to see
That you’re the only one for me and
Four, repeat steps one through three
Five, make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done
Then I’ll start back at one

(yeah)
It’s so incredible, the way things work themselves out
And all emotional, once you know what it’s all about, hey
And undesirable, for us to be apart
I never would’ve made it very far
cause you know you got the keys to my heart
cause...

1 - one, you’re like a dream come true
Two, just wanna be with you
Three, boy it’s plain to see
That you’re the only one for me and
Four, repeat steps one through three
Five, make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done
Then I’ll start back at one

Say farewell to the dark of night
I see the coming of the sun
I feel like a little child, whose life has just begun
You came and breathed new life into this lonely heart of mine
You threw out the life line
Just in the nick of time

1 - one, you’re like a dream come true
Two, just wanna be with you
Three, boy it’s plain to see
That you’re the only one for me and
Four, repeat steps one through three
Five, make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done
Then I’ll start back at one

Counting down now to 12 to send a text to my boy!:)
anyway,gonna post short short.
have to wake up early tommorow,6.30 am!
to memorise css!
yucks,anyway,exam from 4 to 6.
think i'll leave earlier.:S
good luck to me man!
anyway,met my boy today,he kept bullying me!:p hahaha,but i bullied him back too.
neh neh poo poo.:p
okay then,off now,Nights people!

tell me,what did i do wrong?

2010-09-06T22:21:00.003+08:00

I wasn't happy when i reached your house and waited in the rain like a fool.
Yet i kept my mouth shut and not display anything unhappiness cause you were angry too.
i spared a thought for you,what about me?
i woke up late and rushed like hell.
you said sorry and yeah i did say okay.
after that,you promised to call me after bathing and you didn't.
you fell asleep instead.
called so many umpteen times and yet..what do i get?
irritated voice and sorrys that are not sincere.
what did i do to deserve this?
it's not fair to me.
my day was already dampened by that matter and yet you have to add in more.
i really can't stand my life..
i hope i can restrain myself from going down.
No one's here when i'm broken.
I'm tired of everything already..

Sick.:s

2010-09-05T21:25:00.002+08:00

Hey all..
i'm feeling rather lethargic right now.
hai,this morning,after eating my home cooked pancakes,i went to meet jia wen and amk mrt then headed to sembawang to wait for alan.
suddenly,my eyes start to swell.
like real badly,damn it.
then alan never on his phone or what.
was really irritated today.
then i cried,like really break down.
i'm soooo stressed up about java and now this thing have to happen.
like thanks god,i really needed it.
then called my parents,went to hail a cab,and it took bloody long to get one.
went to meet them at hougang,jia wen tagged along.
thanks jia wen,for comforting me when i really am fucking down.
thanks girl,i owe you.
she headed to take the bus after that and i went all around hougang to sought for a clinic.
No clinic,and i was rather pissed already.
then went to serangoon north and found one there.
luckily,and he was really good.
gave me a jab and i felt so much better.
but it was rather ex,49 plus.
sorry daddy,mommy,to make you guys spend this money.
okay then,the worse part is,my java test is tommorow.
and i haven't touched on it yet,like not yet fully understand and haven't started memorizing.how great,my life sucks..
the least is to quarrel with you when i'm feeling so weak and all.
i thought you could understand.
assumptions don't help at all,in fact it brings me down,HARD.

JAVA.FML..

2010-09-04T23:30:00.002+08:00

hey all.
gonna head off to study java soon.
tmr meeting jia wen and alan and adriel i think.
not meeting my boy already,idiotic..
i feel so fucked up.
anyway,met him today.Read through 3 chapters of java.
then head off to meet jia wen and angie at amk library.
ate fish and chips,wasted my money,sucks.
then home.
was shag,dressed till very shag too.
i hate today.HATE IT TO THE MAX.
damn,okay then,nights people.

Study fail.:/

2010-09-03T22:03:00.002+08:00

hey all!
i'm gonna post a very short one.
heading off to watch my hk drama!
my aunt's coming later.
my boy and i had some disagreements just now.:S
but it was okay,then i headed home early,while he go jiatoh.(eat table)
hahaha,anyway,i've cooked my version of fried rice just now for my boy and his maid to eat.
It was yummy to the max can!:D
then i studied java a little.
understanding it a little more now.(:
but fail cause i studied a little only!
then slept.:s
chatted with esther on msn about the job thingy.
she's in need of cash,haha!
okay then,off now!(:

A wholesome day with my girls.:)

2010-09-02T23:11:00.002+08:00

BIG FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My math paper was horrible.:(:(:(
i think i'm gonna flunk it,like most probably.
and i'm so so so so so dead and guilty.
Tomorrow i vow to study java!
like seriously.
no fooling around.
anyway,outing with jia wen and angie today right after math paper.
was wonderful.:)
we went to orchard central which was really,indeed a beautiful place for couples or non couples to hang out.
the scenery was perfect,and we had fun making fun of each other every now and then!
Angie brought us to a escalator which was really very very high up and it's from the 7th floor to the 11th floor.
i went up first!then both of them watched me go up then jia wen't turn.
hahaha,then lastly angie backed out cause she's too scared.
wahahahhaa!damn fun,took pictures on the escalator,played around and stuffs.
pretty satisfied with the place and the restaurants there.
all so high class.tsk tsk tsk,i thought of bringing my boy here like soon?
hahaha,see how,for our 6th month,:D
then we took the lift down,from the 11th floor all the way to the 1st and it was exhilarating!hahaha,i can feel my heart leaving me and the ear pressure increasing.
I never knew orchard central was so amazing,i'm gonna go back there soon.:))))
thereafter,went from ion,walked till taka and then somerset,finally reaching our last destination,dhoby gaut.
Shopped along the way.:D
lovely,and i've gotten stuffs from forever21.
luckily my boy didn't say me.
but i really must kick this bad habit of mine pretty soon.DAMN!
anyway,headed to eat mee sua then took the mrt from dhoby gaut to my boy's house.
was pretty shagged cause i was busy mugging the last few days.
hmm,happy happy day,gonna sleep pretty soon!:D
okay then,nights people in advance.=)

Uber tired....:(

2010-09-01T23:03:00.002+08:00

hi all.(:
woke up early today to go down to cck to study.
called my boy up,he didn't went to work.:s
and he was rather pissed in the morning,and he ranted at me.:(
but oh well,tried to pacify him by buying him hotdogs and teriyaki rice bowl.:)
ate mac in the morning,deluxe breakfast!yum yum!
then headed to katie's old condominium to study.
it really is a conducive place to study,a rather good studying session.
katie and clement with adriel left then we left soon after.
we walked to lot 1 and i've bought a shirt and tank top from cotton body.
Damn.:s
haha,my boy definitely nagged at me!but oh well,i love him nagging at me!:D
went to his house and then home around 9 plus.
ate curry!my maid cooked and now i'm feeling damn damn sleepy.
someone save me!i need to study for tomorrow's math exam man!:(:(:(
die,die die! anyway,can't waste time here,bye!
A goodnight to you guys!

Hk drama ftw.=p

2010-08-31T21:16:00.001+08:00

oh my oh my,in little while more i'm gonna watch my hk drama!!!
anyway,woke up late then off to school to meet jia wen and then alan came over later.
did math,binary and i feel really accomplished as it was a really productive studying session.:D
gonna watch a little hk drama and off i go to practise my math again!:D
never meet my boy today.:(
met my cat instead!hahaha,not mine but oh well.
it's cute and fat!!!!and it wanted to bite me,naughty naughty.
it was playing with me la.=P hahaha,okay then,off now!
toodles.

Math's a killer.

2010-08-31T02:11:00.002+08:00

Woke up late today.
met jia wen at j8 coffee bean to study math.
did a little bit of binary and got stuck.
ate chicken mushroom spaghetti!and drank chocolate ice blended.
MMMmmm.:)
met my boy thereafter and we brawled a little.
then everything was alright.(:
saw timothy on the way out to take the bus.
but he didn't recognized me.
anyway,watched hongkong drama just now till 1,that's why i blogged so late today.
Sorry!
okay then,goodnight people.(:
sweet sweet dreams to you guys!

Confused?yeah,pretty much at a loss.

2010-08-29T22:37:00.002+08:00

hey.
woke up in the morning and got scolded by my mom.
how great was that.
went off earlier today to find my boy cause his whole family were having lunch early.
went to some east coast restaurant to eat and it was good.
dim sums and all,especially the ice cream puffs.
it's fantastic.
went home and studied a little math and took a nap.
my boy slept all the way till burning session where all the family members were gathered to aid in burning a grand thingy for the 7th month.
then carried stuffs,and bathe to take our dinner.
dinner was all meaty,cool.
duck,chicken,pork.Woah..:D
then slacked a while with my boy and home.
dad fetched me from j8 and he was scolding and lecturing me all the way.
rather pissed and really sad,angry and confused.
no one understands me,even by calling you,it doesn't help.
i know my silly ideas don't work out,like it'll never will.
but i'm lost inside.
i want to meet you most of the time,and i have to stay at home to pacify my parents.
i want a life that belongs to me and it's not pleasing my parents at all.
but what do i have to do?
i wanna see you almost everyday,i can't deny that.
and i don't want to stay at home cause it sucks.
my maid and all,and whenever i'm home they don't see it.
it's not use explaining,people just agree and nod their heads to show they're listening out of politeness.
some give negative,while some give positive suggestions.
those positives somehow don't satisfy me and yet...argh.
i just wanna calm down now,goodnight everyone.
hope you guys don't have the same problem like me.

Chest pain.

2010-08-29T00:38:00.002+08:00

hello people.
started off with a good opening of my day.
went to meet my boy and we had a crazy argument over food and stuffs in front of his mom.:s
sorry auntie for being distracted and not replying you.
went back to his house and watched one hongkong scary show,then study a little,watched,studied.
damn distracted!
argh,hate it.
then slept for 3 hours,woke up eat some pretty yummy food and went to watch step up and studied a little.
:S damn damn damn.
i know the exams is near but i can't find the motivation!:(
help me someone!
and my chest hurts the whole day today.
on and off,the tightness really makes me tear.:S
okay, i am really going to study my math now,NIGHTS!

Fabulous day.=)

2010-08-28T01:00:00.002+08:00

Quarreled with my boy in the morning.:S
hai,but then everything was alright.
cause he's irritated in the morning.
morning blues.:S
then we went out to see a doctor cause he reported sick today.
he was having a fever previously but luckily it subsided.
then the doctor was on urgent leave,so weird.
like every time we go,the doctor will always be not in.
so frustrated.
then we head off to eat and then went home.
played maple!:P
till 7 plus and then went out to see the doctor again.
the doctor was not in again!
so had no choice we went to see another clinic.
that boy of mine,so naughty.
we played around the mrt,and he ran away.
like some ah kua.:P:P
hahahaha,then leave me alone!!!
damn,went to buy cup noodles for dinner.
hahaha!pathetic us,but oh well i enjoyed my meal with him.(:
played a little maple and watched tv till 10 then we left.
i left for home and he went to meet dwayne.
oh well,in all..a good day!
except for the part where he bully me by tickling my neck.:S
okay,nights all!
i'm heading to study math.
i need to STOP procrastinating!

About you now.

2010-08-26T23:31:00.004+08:00

Hi all.
worked today at liang court.
end late cause the previous girl was late.:s
went to meet my boy.
quarreled a little,ran out of his house again due to my impulsiveness.
AGAIN.I hate myself,really.
i let my ego stand in the way.
seriously..damn!
went to potong pasir mac to slack for a while.
then went back to his house again.
they had some getai thingy at potong pasir,damn noisy.
went back to his house and settled everything.
was alright then.
I really must watch myself.
i find myself getting out of hand.
FUCK IT.
okay then,gonna practise math soon.
nights..

hope you're feeling alright my boy.
take care and rest well.
i'll pray for the fever to go away.
sorry.

About you now.

2010-08-26T23:31:00.002+08:00

People going nowhere.

2010-08-25T22:18:00.003+08:00

boooo!
i can't go korea with the rest already!
damn it..:(:(
but nvm ah,at least i will get to see my boy.:D
hahaha,anyway this morning had a small brawl.
then headed to school for the fucking flash retest.
was really angry with that teacher for not picking up my calls and my messages.
then just now he explained already,so yeah.
understandable lo.:)
went to my boy's house to rest.
couldn't walk straight,felt like vomiting and was giddy.
:S rested till he reached home and then we played maple.
he addicted to it already.:S
home now,got to play with him soon!
then study!:(
nights!

gonna be a servant on sat.:(

2010-08-24T23:30:00.002+08:00

Hi people.
went to school for java learning today.
in the end,didn't learn much.:S
jia wen quarreled with angie and angie's ex.
complicated.
then went to my boy's house and found some unpleasant stuffs.
but after that,it was okay.
didn't quarrel.:)
he gave in to me,thanks darling.
i love you so much.(:
okay then,got to head to study my css,and revise for my flash tmr!:S
idiotic lecturer,gonna head back to school for flash retest.
gonna meet doreen and st at 12 in school.
nights all.=)

Horrendous,horrible day.

2010-08-23T22:49:00.002+08:00

For everything i've done to make you unhappy,i'm really sorry.
Work was alright,had 5 sales..lousy.
there's this weird customer who came in and kept laughing at our shirts.
Weird.
then the second shift girl was late cause of the huge rain.
went to meet my boy at his house.
Ran in and out of his house.
was freaking mad and out of control.
anyway,i'm here to apologise for not being able to give you happiness.
to not be your desired,best girlfriend.
i feel like...a failure.
sorry.
Forgive me for controlling you too much.
cause i love you too much.

It just annoy myself.

2010-08-23T00:06:00.002+08:00

My day ended badly.
worked from 11.30-5 at liang court.
parents and brother came to visit me.
they left and then my boy came to fetch me to his house.
ate dinner with his parents at m hotel,think something like that.
then we quarreled.
to sum everything up,it's tragic.
i can't stand myself for being so hateful..
i'm amazed at how my bf can withstand it.
i'm not good enough.
i just wish i could be your perfect girl,but no one's perfect.
sorry to let you down.

fun,joy and laughter.:)

2010-08-20T22:08:00.002+08:00

hey guys.
rainy rainy morning,woke up late.
was super late to meet jia wen for studying.
met her and studied and eat and talk!:S
walao,never studied much.:S
anyway,met my boy at his house and had a physical fight.:P:P
no one lost and win.:S
hmm,next time must use dirty tricks already.:D
had a fun day and never study!
gonna study now!
like seriously.:s
okay then,goodnight all,have a goodnight sleep,weather's cooling and your comfy bed and blanket is waiting.:)

Holding on tightly,not letting it slip through my hands.

2010-08-19T23:10:00.002+08:00

Hi people!
planned to meet jia wen at thomson first,then woke up late.:s
then i thought i took the wrong bus to and overshot thomson plaza.
How great is that.
then wasted my bus trip there.
went to bishan then,and met jia wen,angie and st there.
bought prezzies and had a hard time wrapping it.
was really irritated.:S
and then went to bugis after that and went to meet the rest.
Adriel,bavani,hibri and fiona was there waiting.
we were late.:s
then walked around bugis and stuffs etc.
Bought a lacey shirt!saw so many i wanted to buy,damn tempting.:S
then headed back to my boy's house.
and that stupid smrt person directed me wrongly.
idiotic..took the longer way when my legs are crying already.
met my boy,very very happy.:D
never quarrel and i was pretty high.:P
hahaha,okay then,nights all!

Look for those tears when the headlights passes by..

2010-08-18T22:58:00.002+08:00

Crappy ending of my day.
woke up late for studying at school today.
studied till 5 plus then met my boy.
everything was alright at first,then we quarreled over me asking him somethings and ignoring him.
oh well,then everything went bad.
took cab home and my tears couldn't stop itself,plus the stupid taxi uncle playing some sad thai songs,make me more sad.
alighted at the prime mart there and walked.
Stayed out at my void deck till 10 plus and then headed home.
was thinking through so much stuffs.
anyway,me and my boy made it up already,
got to go do my css stuffs now.
Nights,tmr's doreen's birthday,a big happy birthday to you.(:
nights all.

No sales day=sucky day.

2010-08-18T01:19:00.002+08:00

Hi all,woke up and laze around for kinda long.
was waiting for my cousin to board her bus and then i went to bathe.
she reached my house,gave me my stuffs and we catch up on a lot of stuffs.
headed to bishan to walk around and sat at coffee bean to chit chat.(:
was pretty happy and glad to meet my cousin,miss her so much.
she told me her sis and her bf just broke up.:S
like after 2 years,i feel that it's so sad..really..
hai,i wish that me and my boy can really last till as long as we persevere and not ever give up once.
I really wish that it will come true.
then headed to thomson for work and cousin tagged along for a while and went off after a while after messing up shirts for me.Hahaha,she anyhow!
anyway,today was really bad!!!
like real bad,no sales at all!like seriously,not one!:(
i was damn sad and bored,and bought two breads from four leaves.
it was just beside my shop,damn tempting till i couldn't take it.:S
then i made friends with two da jie!:D
they are funny and really nice.
farhan came to close shop and he was doing some lame shit to his eyeball.
hahaha,anyhow.He say my boy look fierce so don't dare to talk to him.
wahahhaa!my boy bought twirly potatoes with cheese on it for me!
YUMMY!was starving,seriously.
then we took 52 back to my house and he send me home!:)
i love you darling,thanks thanks thanks for sending me home!:D
he took a cab back then,naughty guy.
Had a great time laughing with my dad about russell peters as it was really good and hilarious.:)
anyway,gotta chiong tmr,for my studies,nighty nights!

first day at work.

2010-08-16T23:36:00.002+08:00

Woke up late to meet katie,jia wen and angie.
SORRY PEOPLE!:(
damn tired man,anyway went to school at 12 plus,then settled down and studied a little math.
Went to eat after that and katie left.
to the library and there,we studied css.
was highlighting and stuffs.
left for work at 4 and reached there early to learn from lynn.:)
so nice of her.
played around with clothes and then farhan came late,making lynn late.
farhan,my supervisor is really nice and funny.:)
hahahaha,lucky i'm not embarrassed to make any sales in front of farhan.:D
then chatted with him about stuffs,while he ate curry chicken.
damn tempting you know,when i went down before 8,it was sold out!:(
boohoo,nvm.Sunday i shall eat it!:D
nice customers i've met today,some are really picky but everything's okay.
Sales was kinda slow and bad.:(
damn disappointed with myself,about 200 plus only.:(
my boy came to fetch me after that!:D:D:D
so happy!hahaha,showed him a pants.planning to get it for him man!:)
okay then,that's all lovelies.
tata!

i miss you my boy,
all the challenges made me realise,
you're becoming my dream prince.:)

I'm not perfect.

2010-08-16T00:28:00.002+08:00

Started off with a bad day.
Was drizzling,got my hair wet right after bathing,how great.
Missed my bus,and took a cab.
Quarreled with my boy once i reached his house.
Cause i was pretty irritated no one got the door for me,called my boy and he didn't pick up his.He was sleeping,then finally..he picked it up.
was pretty pissed,hai..then he was too when i went to jean instead of him.:s
then made a big fuss over him sleeping more and etc.
Cried badly,like real badly..:(
Now i know why guys don't get hints well and really pisses off girls.
But yeah,i was at fault too.
He was too,kept pushing me away.
Was pretty huge,the fight and then everything was solved thereafter.
Met kaelen and junbin at potong pasir mrt station and went to the cathay to eat astons.:D
yummy,although the service sucks.
my boy say he's not going back there anymore.:S
then headed to somerset to find my Azabu Hokkaido ice cream!
Things turn out pretty bad after that,quarreled with my boy again and had suicidal thoughts,hai..was kinda near the road you know,damn tempted.
He was very angry and really forced me to stay close him,was kinda violent with each other in terms of words and actions.:S
we quarreled over finding ice cream and yeah i was pretty tired already,like really tired walking up and down to find my ice cream.
It was very weird and awkward for kaelen and jb but oh well,once i reach the ice cream place at taka,was pretty hyped up!:D
then everything was okay already.(:
offered kaelen and jb ice cream and they act scared of me.LOL!hahaha.
then ben came and met us,listened to his crap etc,hahaha.
jb kept scolding him(jokingly) but he looked pretty pissed just now,not sure why either.
played with my boy,:D and then we went to take the mrt,planned to go serangoon gardens then went to some other place instead at serangoon to eat ma you ji.
Yummy!it's nice with chilli padi in it.:D
headed to kaelen's house to take his car and home at 9 plus.
my boy and kaelen lost their way now,after sending jb home.
hahaha,funny people.:D
okay then,gonna start work officially tmr!
heading to school first to study math before heading to liang court.:)
nights everybody!

Fireworks again.:D

2010-08-15T00:32:00.003+08:00

Hey lovely people.(:
i went to meet my boy at his house and headed out around 4 plus 5 to toa payoh to play pool.(:
ate mac first,had mcwings!:) then went for pool.
then things turn out to be pretty ugly for a period of time,my boy and i quarrelled over smoking etc,while dwayne was there.It was rather awkward..
went out and talked to angie and jia wen for a while,then a group of guys dressed in black came out too and kept staring at me.:S
maybe i was occupying their space to smoke,oh man..but i heck care.
then kaelen came and my boy and me was alright already.
Kaelen looked pretty sad and emo these few times i've seen him.
Sigh,sigh..poor him.
r/s ah,so many many things to think about,and worry about.
made our way to kaelen's house to let him change into his lenses and i met his dog,cotton!so cute!and rough..hahaha!
but he's pretty crazy when i starts playing the keyboard.:S
Ben and my boy were laughing like mad at how cotton is.
So bad right?!
then i went out to pee and cotton was in the toilet and i said,excuse me,i need to pee.He looked at me and walked out,after i was done.he was there,staring at me,and all of a sudden,he went mad!
seriously,he ran here and there,like avoiding me and looking at me,and i'm shocked.
haha,but he ran down the stairs at a crazy speed,wonder is he hurt.:S
didn't know i scare him so badly.:(
saw kaelen playing piano and demonstrating for me,woah..he's good.
then my boy and ben kept bullying cotton.SO EVIL!
ben was the worst,he kept boxing him.:S
then went to clark quay for dinner at billy bombers.
had set meals and chocolate fondue,halfway through,we saw fireworks!:D
oh ah,ben friend came.Anil,something like that.He's funny and nice.(:
lucky we sat outside so we can witness the beautiful lightings and the river and the bungee jumping with the fireworks!
it was really a gorgeous night with the funny ben and the rest around.
Everything was great,really good.(:
hope kaelen's feeling better after everything.
and hope my boy enjoyed his time with me!(:
home around 10.30.
my dad gave me a pretty angry face and my mom was yelling at me.:S
had durian and mangosteen too.
oh man,i have to start cutting down on food,ben says that i'm fat.:(
alright then,nights people!(:
Happy yog!hahaha,random one.:P

Loves^^

2010-08-13T22:46:00.002+08:00

yosh!(:
i wish you can see how my eyes are twinkling like mad now.:D
was having a horrendous night with my boy last night and really was on the verge of cutting and drinking detergent.
Pretty helpless right?hai..
anyway,resolved everything with him today.
i ranted at him and blamed him twice,he can't tolerate so it's my fault.:(
then took a cab to my boy's house this morning,he didn't work.:s
he anyhow one,then we were okay already.(:
ate mee goreng with him,and made ice milo for him eh!
he say i was his servant for today cause i made him angry last night.:S
he ordered me around,boohoo..
anyway,he went to take mc and then driving lessons at 5plus.
i slept then,home around 9.
i miss his smell,manly smell.:D so nice.
hahaha,anyway,glad everything's back to normal.
okay then,my aunt's here,staying over at my house.
Got to let her sleep,have a early night people!

Regrets,never ending regrets.

2010-08-12T22:22:00.003+08:00

went out with my mom today,did my lenses!yeah!thanks mom.:)
headed to amk to meet angie.
waited for exactly 40 mins.damn...was pissed and irritated.
she apologized after that,then went to mondo,pepper plus,minoshe,etc and many many shops to look around.:D:D
shopped but not many la.:S
planned to study,but didn't.Hai..:(
slugged around with my fat css book!damn it man.:S
met my boy afterwards!:D:D
so happy!(:
had a great time playing with him,acting cool,him spitting saliva around.Yuck,spitting boy,and his funny hair,the way he shakes his head like a gong gong.Wahaha,i love the end of my day so much!(:(:(:
i love you my boy,thanks!<3
okay then,got to head off to start a little css.TRY TO!:p
goodnight people.